I wrote about the pressures of being a “Girl Boss” earlier this year, the pressures to succeed by societies standards so today I kind of wanted to touch on the topic of success in personal life. I am assuming for most people work life does play into their personal life and for me that rings even more true so if I talk a little bit about that also, that is why.
Let me get all the facts straight to start off with. I just turned 27 years old. I don’t own property, I am not married or even engaged, I am not pregnant or have a child & I do not drive my dream car. So let’s just say that I am not getting flooded with congratulatory messages on any announcement posts. As of October 13, 2019 anyway. When I turned 27 a couple of months back I started to spiral a little I am not going to lie. Feeling ‘behind’ or not knowing what I was doing and if I was doing the right things or not. Questioning my priorities and whether they weren’t aligned and the list goes on. There were a few things that guided me through this phase though so I thought I would share incase you’re currently in that mindset.
Firstly, Life is kind of long
Look, I know life is also short, YOLO and all the rest of it. But say you live until you’re 75 years old, then ticking off everything you want to achieve in your 20s is not that big of a deal when you really think about it. I like to instead think of the 40 year old I want to be, the 50 year old I want to be etc and what everyday life looks like for 50 year old jasmine. It is kind of nice to think about that version of yourself and see if what you are doing today is either building towards that or aligned with those values. It also takes that ticking clock feeling pressure off having it all sorted in your 20s.
Re-wording goals to get to the route of the desire & possibly re-routing your goals entirely
This is something that really helps me in working out what my true goals and values are instead of falling into the trap of wanting to tick off society’s list of what I should be wanting or achieving. I will give you some of the examples of how I re-direct the typical ‘success’ markers.
Be a successful [insert profession here] What I actually want to be is skilled at my work. I want my work to inspire and motivate me. I also want my work to allow me to create the life I want. I want it to give me the financial freedom of not being anxious and stressed about money, I want it to give me the freedom of flexible hours and lastly I want it to give me the freedom to travel.
Become Rich. Of course if a million dollars came knocking I wouldn’t say no to it but I am very weary of riches becoming a goal necessarily. Riches more so than wealth. To me, I feel that riches are some what external expressions of wealth. They are your nice cars, your new designer handbags etc etc. Wealth to me is something that gives you freedom and I am aware that I don’t need huge wealth to achieve that freedom that I want. I want wealth that provides a comfortable roof over my head, wealth that allows me to travel every so often, wealth that allows me to go out for long afternoon lunches. I want wealth that means if things turned for the worst, I would be okay. I think sometimes we get so caught up on getting more more more when it comes to money that we don’t even have the time to enjoy it. The goal of ‘more’ will never be satisfied.
Getting Married. Marriage has never been something that I felt was super important. To be honest my parents got divorced when I was 6 so marriage is something I am more weary of than your typical 27 yr old woman who has been in a relationship for 8 years. Recently though I am embarrassed to admit that the expectation does shake me up a little. But then I try to think, do I really need the legality? No. Do I need the big wedding? No. Sure I’d love to express my love for Michael in front of my loved ones and have an excuse to buy a Celile Bahnsen dress but do I need to? No. Instead I want to make sure that Michael knows how much I adore him. I want to be in a relationship that is supportive and loving, appreciative and full of laughter. That is the success in love that I already have & I don’t think marriage would change that.
Buying a House. Being such a home body & working from home means that this is of large personal value to me. What I actually want is a home that inspires my life whether it be that the kitchen has lots of natural light so I am more inclined to cook or that I want a deck that inspires me to have more people over for afternoon drinks & dinner. All of those things aren’t really about the purchase of the home at all. I can and do achieve this by renting. Where the buying comes in is in my desire for more security and for a garden that I wont have to worry about moving in 12 months. This is a goal that I would love to make happen in the next two years.
What I really wanted to finish by saying is that it is completely okay to want to get married, have children, buy a house, get rich & be a successful whatever but it is also okay if none or any of those apply to you. It can be difficult when it seems like everyone around you is doing or striving for one thing but it is important to stop and consider what you truly want and what adds value to your life personally. It is also okay to change your mind.
I would love to know if you’re going through this same phase at the moment.
With Love, Jasmine